


Perhaps

by Yingfa



Category: The OC
Genre: F/M, M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-05
Updated: 2012-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-13 15:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yingfa/pseuds/Yingfa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's night. . . and Summer wonders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perhaps

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, lying safe here in your arms I can't help but wonder. Most call me lucky, having the man I want. . . the life everyone craves, but not many can aspire to.

Truth is more painful than fiction.

Everyday I play the game of pretension, a star inside my little world of lies. In the light it's easy to lie, even to myself.

But it is here, deep in the night, with you sleeping beside me, that truth takes its more cruel light.

What were those nights in the pool house like? It's been so long since that time, most of it is fuzzy. . . all except the fire, the love and adoration that laid in your eyes every time you looked at him.

Yes, Seth. I knew. Anyone with eyes could tell.

The only thing that made it bearable was the little fact that his eyes flashed mirroring emotions back at you every time.

You were his life, Seth. Probably his only light.

Up until this day, I've never known if things went past simply looking at each other, or if the yearning of your hearts was never fulfilled.

Even so, every time you touch me, every time you loose your self into my skin, I can feel the regret. . . the sheer pain that you pour out through your fingertips.

You never told him, did you?

You might have touched him, with just as much passion as you do me, but you always thought you'd have more time. You gave him your everything, but you never let him know about it.

I remember the day you asked me if we could be only friends. I asked if there was someone else and this goofy little smile appeared on your face. And I knew, in that one second, that you were going to tell him. You were going to take your life into your hands and set your heart at his feet.

I gave you my blessing. I couldn't hold it against you, no matter how bad my heart was hurting. Imagine that, the Ice Princess smiling at you as you left, only to cry her eyes out once the door had closed behind you, leaving her in her empty golden cage.

Coop came over a while later, we ended stuffing ourselves up with chocolate sundaes and watching sappy movies. She was, and will forever be, my best friend.

You didn't tell him that night, but he told you, didn't he? Right before he left the house in a fit of anger, leaving you stewing in your own temper. Sometimes I wish you had run after him that night. You wouldn't be mine, but you both would still be alive.

Yes, Seth. Dear as you are to me, I know that deep inside you don't love me. . . at least, not like you loved him. I don't think your heart is free to love any longer. It died that night. . . pierced by a bullet in a dark street, in the middle of the worst storm we had had in a long time. It bled to death by his side, along with the blood pouring from his already cooling body.

He was in the wrong place. . . at the wrong time.

I hope to god that he never realized what was happening. . . that he felt no pain. You had found love in a kind soul that laid within a rugged package. I know, and admit, that. He was also my friend.

Is that why you came back to me? Because I had known him as well? Because I had cared for him as well?? Or was it because we were complete opposites?

Tell me Seth, why have you stayed?

You could, and wanted, to follow him. . . you still do. I can remember the number of times I have seen you staring at the cooking knives in our kitchen, or at my stepmother's pills that are left forgotten all over her place. So many opportunities that you have craved and had at hand. . . and yet you've taken none.

Why, then?

Your parents have long gone to join him, and if it's me. . . then don't hold back. I would never blame you for it. I've seen you leave me, little by little, during all this years. Baby, you've been gone for a very long time.

I'm sure he is still waiting for you.

After all, you still have to tell him that you love him back.


End file.
